A Whole New Take
by mirajane knightwalker
Summary: Piper didn't leave when Alex's mom died she left after. Farhi being secretly in love with Alex sends someone to kill Piper for leaving Alex but the man Fahri sent after Pier does something much worse. Years later Piper is taken to Lichfield on an entirely separate charge and meets up with Alex. However what is Piper in for? What did Fahri do to her? Did Alex know?
1. Chapter 1

Sum; Piper didn't leave when Alex's mom died she left after. Farhi being secretly in love with Alex sends someone to kill Piper for leaving Alex but the man Fahri sent after Pier does something much worse. Years later Piper is taken to Lichfield on an entirely separate charge and meets up with Alex. However what is Piper in for? What did Fahri do to her? Did Alex know? Most importantly will how will they react to seeing each other, can there be a relationship or is there to much damage?

*pov may change or maynot, italics are flashbacks and dreams, if you can't handle angst than keep reading because I will make you love it plus happy ending (I think Maybe. I'm a sap so probably :p), the only warning I can give you without spoiling the story is drug use.* Good luck (Updated with grammar corrections.)

I am not in light or in darkness. I am drifting through a void, a void of nothingness. It was all empty. I know this feeling I say out loud but my voice doesn't carry out into the void. As I continue to drift I become more and more aware. Aware of the beeping, aware of the wetness, aware of the sobs that weren't my own. I did it again is all I can think as I open my eyes to the blinding hospital lights. Looking to my left I see the source of the beeping , a heart monitor. Turning to my right I see the wetness on my arm and look up to find oceans moving my friends eyes.

"I did it again." This time I spoke aloud only to wince at the sound of my own voice. I must have been out for at least a month. Suddenly a sharp pain throbs in my cheek.

"Yeah Piper you fucking did and this time I am not letting it go. You are going to tell what the fuck Super Cunt did before I let you sleep, eat, get pain killers, see a doctor, or even speak to your brother." Polly said as she clutched my arms. When I remained silent she spoke again. "Please Piper I am your best friend and I love you. Please don't shut me out I want to help. Am I not good enough?"

That broke me, seeing her cry and doubt herself as my friend. I loved Polly and I wanted to tell her but I was scared of how she would look at me. She would have pity in her eyes and she would cry. Sometimes when I get really down I even start to think she would think less of me.

"I'm scared." I say in a voice that was more childlike and honest than I expected.

"Oh sweetie it's ok to be scared but just know nothing you do or say will make me ever stop being your friend. I mean you run off with some drug mafia super cunt and I still love you. You have also overdosed on heroine twice now and I still love you so you're stuck with me. So please let me help you before it's too late. The hospital called the police Pipes and it doesn't sound like you're gonna get off this time." Polly was still crying and It didn't look like the flow of tears was going to stop anytime soon. Especially after I tell her why I have become so broken and lost. The possibility of prison time doesn't scared me just like the thought of dying of an overdose doesn't bother me. Alex chose drugs over me, Larry told me I wasn't worth the trouble, my father can't look me in the eye after he found out I had a four year long relationship with a woman, and through all of this my mother still cared more about her reputation than me. I wasn't worth loving. But Polly stuck by my side through the drinking and the drugs. A part of me wished she was my lover instead of Alex because if she was I would never be suffering like this. I knew I had to tell Polly the whole truth but that didn't mean I was looking forward to it.

"It wasn't just the fact that she focused more on the business more than on me. It was the fact that she blamed me for not wanting to help her. I didn't want to help her do the illegal shit so when things went wrong she claimed I didn't care and that I wasn't being supportive. I wanted her to stop but every time I suggested it she brushed me off. I loved her Polly and that's the truth. Before her I was shy and not at all sexual but she made me feel things I never felt before. Romantic love, lust, and a whole new level of happiness. It wasn't just about the sex it was about how she made me feel." I paused and looked up at the white ceiling remembering our mixing breath and entangled hands. I sighed before continuing. "It was about how she made love to me. Eventually I couldn't take it any more so I told her I was leaving. She hid my passport." I chuckled at that. I wasn't laughing at the time but now I thought it was adorable because it showed how much she didn't want me to go. "Her mom died Polly. I couldn't leave her when her mom had just died. Her mom was the only person she ever had. Even if Alex and I didn't have a relationship anymore I owed it to her mom to attend the funeral. Her mom and I had a good relationship. When ALex was too busy to talk to us or when I just wanted advise I called Alex's mom, not my mom and not my dad who I was lying to. We would talk about embarrassing things Alex had done as a child or adult. So I went to the funeral not just for Alex but for her mom as well. I even said a few words about what a kind and loving woman she was and how much she cared about her daughter."

I was silent for a while trying not to let my emotions overwhelm me but it was too late. For the past four years I have used heroin to cope with moments like these where the emotions were just too much to handle. However I had a feeling it would take me more than the usual two days to get another hit. Polly said nothing but stroked my hand reassuringly. So I continued and told her about that dark night.

We walked in silence as our heels clacked and clicked. Eventually though I knew I couldn't wait any longer for the longer I waited the more my courage waned. So I stopped and said

"Alex I came to funeral because I owe it to both you and your mom to attend. However I am still leaving-" Before I could finish she looked at me in disbelief.

"REALLY PIPER? My mom just died and you want to leave now?" She screamed at me her face covered in tears and her arms stretched out to the side.

"You didn't let me finish." I said with a tense anger seeping into my tone. She crossed her arms and stood there. "I am leaving but I want you to come with me." I smile a little at the irony of those words. She said them to me once. It's how this whole journey around the world began.

"What are you saying Pipes?" She sniffled but her voice no longer held its earlier frustration.

"To put it bluntly Alex I am asking you to leave the business and live a life with me in New york. I am still running the company with Polly and my dad can find you a job you like in no time. We can move into my studio apartment and don't worry we won't be living off my parents. It's not Paris or Africa but it is pretty comfortable living. We would never be in need of money and we could live our-" I am cut off by her laughing.

"You have got to be kidding me? Of course you're not. Pipes look this is my life and I like it. I'm not just gonna drop everything and leave for you. You knew what I did for a living when you met me-"

"Yeah and when I met you you also said nothing would fucking go wrong. You said I was just there to keep you company and that I wouldn't HAVE TO DO ANYTHING IN YOUR BUSINESS." I couldn't contain my anger. She was telling me I wasn't worth it, she was basically refusing to do for me what I did for her which was dropping everything in my life and leaving it for her, she was telling me I wasn't worth it and that hurt me so much I could physically feel my heart breaking. She must have seen the hurt in my eyes more than the anger because she immediately tried to fix her mistake.

"Look Piper I can't jus-"

"NO." I said cutting her off "I don't want to hear it." I said tears dripping down to the concrete on which I stood. "This is it Alex. Me" I took a pause to get a grip on my emotions. "Or the business" A part of me knew the answer, a part of me hoped she picked me, and a part of me had already died knowing that she wouldn't pick me.

"I can't leave Piper." Was all she said and I just stood there for a moment looking at the woman who held my heart and just shattered it to pieces. I looked at her midnight black hair that I raked my fingers through and her smooth pale skin that I had mapped out in my head until finally my eyes landed on her grey eyes that once again began to fill with tears. Her mouth moved to speak but I spoke before she could.

"So the business. Goodbye Alex." I said basically running past her.

"No! Piper wait." I heard behind me and once again I was divided a part of me wanted her to run after me, another part knew she wouldn't and the last part just wanted to go back and make the heartbreak end. Before Alex Pearl Vause I had never known true love, lust, and passion and before Alex Pearl Vause .never. Know. true heartbreak and pain. I so desperately hoped this was one of these things that feel like hell when you're going through it but looking back you realize it wasn't that big a deal because at that moment I felt like my life was over. I felt like from that point forward I would never love someone the way I loved her. At that moment I questioned how I was supposed to move on with my life. I had money, both my parents were alive, I had a business I ran with my best friend who would die for me yet all I could think was 'how am I supposed to move on without her'.

I ran and ran and I would have ran to the airport if not for the fact that it was surrounded by highway and you needed a taxi to take you there. So I stood at the corner of some street and called a taxi only to see a miss call from my dad and a million text from Alex. I didn't call my dad back and I didn't even look at Alex's text messages. I called a cab and gave the best instructions I could based on street signs. The cabby seemed to know where I was so I hung up and waited there in the cold. I had my jacket on top of my luggage but didn't bother to put it on. The cold air surrounding me was the only thing keeping my thoughts from wandering to her. I laughed a dark sad laugh at the fact that I already couldn't say her name without a stab of pain emitting from my chest.

"Are you Piper Chapman?" A man's voice came from behind me scaring me so much I jumped into the street.

"Yes." I said as I turned to see who it was. As soon as I saw them I knew I should have lied. Two men dressed in all black stared back at me and I immediately turned to run only to be grabbed and dragged into a dark store. My mind was racing a mile a minute wondering who they were what they wanted how to get away? How big were they? Could I fight them? I had no money to give them and was terrified for my life.

Years later I would think back to those moments when I was worried about my life and think 'I wish all they had done was kill me' because what they had in store for me was worse than death. I was thrown to the ground and I immediately tried to run away only to be kick in my side and behind. One of the guys stepped on my butt while the other came and grabbed me by the neck. I was forced to look at him.

"It's nothing personal we are just doing our job. Awe don't cry." He said stroking my face. I didn't even realize I was crying because of how scared I was. The man behind me laughed.

"You are rougher on them than I am yet you always pretend to be the good cop. Telling them if they comply they get set free. You are sick man." He had an accent but I couldn't place it. His words sent a chill down my spine. At this point it should have become clear what they were going to do to me but I think I was in denial. That ignorance didn't last long as he took off the skirt I wore to the funeral with ease. I kicked him but he grabbed me by the ankle and spread my legs apart before landing a hard kick to my exposed private. It was at this point that I began to struggle and kick with tears covering the floor. They knew what they were doing and during the whole ordeal it became undeniably clear that they had done this many times before. They had me faced downward to using my arms to fight was hard, they had my ankles so I couldn't crawl away. Terrified sobs left my mouth and soon I was screaming for help only to be kicked in the face. No time was wasted in removing my underwear and ripping open my blouse. One man held me down while the other stripped naked.

"This one is prettier than the last, isn't she?" Asked the white man with the ascent.

"Yes but I bet she will be easier to break than the last." I don't know why but the spanish man's taunting words angered me. I scratched his face and moved to get up. I almost made it but once again a foot made contact with my stomach causing this unbearable pain to spread. The man with the ascent continued to beat me while the other man stripped. The man stopped beating me and sat behind me groping my beast and stroking his way down between my legs. I had never been a sexual person not before Alex but I had my fair share of rough college boys. However there is a hug difference between rough sex and being raped by sadists. The spanish man chuckled and began to lick my exposed breasts trying to turn away was futile as the white man sat behind me restraining my arms in a painful hold.

"Hurry up and break her so I can have my fun." As the white man spoke I could feel his disgusting penis rise and press against my back. I managed to kick the spanish man in the side but it did nothing but anger him. The man behind me tightened his grip and I could feel the pain in my shoulders while the spanish man shoved two fingers into my mouth gagging me. Removing them before I bite him he moved his fingers in alignment with my anus and smirked. I began shaking my head before I started to beg.

" PLEASE NO!" I sobbed out but my cries fell on deaf ears as he plunged his fingers into me. He began to brutalize me and his friend just laughed and asked him to hurry. The spanish man took out his fingers and shoved them back into my mouth before he shoved his penis into my vagina and began to rape me. It wasn't about him feeling good,no, it was about degrading me and humiliating me and making me hurt. He thrust as if his goal was to break every bone in my body. I lost track of time but to me it felt like hours even now I couldn't tell how long it was until his released inside of me. He pulled out and continues to cum on my body.

"Look at that she's a bleeder." The white man said but I didn't move I had stopped fighting. I was in so much pain and there was no way I was getting out of this. All I hoped was that my family and friends got to bury me. The spanish man took his fingers out of my mouth and kissed me. I rather him have left his fingers in my mouth even if they had been in my anus. Once again his taunted me and made me feel worthless. His tongue slithered down my throat and his hands abused my breast. He stood and stepped on them when the white man moved to take his turn. The white man was more interested in using me like a rag doll for his own pleasure. He turned me to lay face down before pulling me up on my knees. I could barely hold the position but everytime I dropped he hit my stomach that was blackened from the abuse. I knew it wouldn't end when the spanish man was done with me but I didn't expect my suffering to last so long. The white man beat me while he raped me. Leaving bites and bruised in his wake. He started with my anus and then went into my vagina as well. Once he was done the spanish man came back and threw me onto my side. As cliche as this may sound I tried to imagine I was somewhere else or with someone else. But it never worked for long. When their penis's entered my vagina it felt like a snake or a centipede was slithering into my body over and over. The pure disgust I felt in those moments were only trumped by the feeling of them cumming down my throat forcing me to taste them and swallow it all only to laugh when I gagged and vomited. They often stood back and marveled at their handy work. Their semen oozed from my mouth mixing with vomit. They admired the pink color created with their semen and the blood they caused to flow from my anus. The whole time they smirked and smiled.

"These guys are sick fucks. If I could get my fucking hands on them I would give them worse. " Polly said silent tears rolling down her face. She had remained silent the entire time but her facial expressions spoke volumes to how she felt. Most importantly though there was sadness, sympathy, rage, fury, disgust, there was no pity and that comforted me. "You kept this inside the entire time and never told anyone. My god Piper I am so sorry. I wish I was there to help you." She sobbed out as she clutched onto me as if her life depended on it.

"I don't" I said my tone deathly serious. I wouldn't wish what happened to me on my worst enemy so there was no way in hell I'd want my best friend there with me. "If you were there it would be worse because I would have to watch them rape you and strip you of everything you are and the whole time I would be begging them to keep raping me and leave you alone. It would be torture and I don't even want to entertain the thought."

"Please tell me the story is over?" Polly begged softly I shook my head,no. She let out a sob but gripped my hand and tried to look strong.

I layed on my side listening to him grunt and moan. I had long since stopped struggling and just laid there limp as he continued to break my body. But as I lay there a simple question popped up in my mind. He said they were just doing their job which means someone sent them.

"Why?" My throat was sore from their rough treatment so it came out as a small noise. Barely audible to the human ear.

"Why?" I repeated again wanting an answer to my question. It was the least I deserved after the pure hell and torture they had put me through.

"Why?" The spanish man stopped mid thrust and smiled widely as if he was wondering when I would ask. My question repeated itself in my head until it became a mantra

"Why why why why WHY!" As I continued my pain soon became anger and my anger morphed into sorrow and in turn my sorrow because complete anguish. As I lay there on the cold store floor sobbing out the word why over and over again I failed to notice the men standing. They began to get dressed and I just curled myself into a fetal position hoping to whatever deity would listen that the men would display an ounce of mercy and kill me. The spanish man came up to me and slowly wrapped his fingers around my neck. He applied pressure and before long I was dying from the lack of oxygen. The first image to pop in my head was of Alex than Cal my brother , than Polly and finally my parents. However the man didn't kill me and when he looked back down at me he was smiling as though he knew I wanted to die and was denying me the right to. I didn't have the strength to sob or at least that's what I thought before they answered my question.

"Our employer gave us the answer to your question. Are you ready?" The white man smiled and spoke once more. "This is what you get for leaving Alex when she needed you." With that the men left talking amongst themselves and chuckling.

"I just laid there in pain unable to move. I wanted nothing more than to run far away but I didn't have the strength to. So I laid there hoping I would simply die or maybe wake up and find out that it was all just a vivid nightmare." I had kept some parts of the story out because Polly didn't need to hear all the gruesome detail. Before I could stop myself I begin to sob uncontrollably. It was the first time in four years that I ever told someone what took place that night. I don't know when but Polly came into the hospital bed with me and held me.

"Piper we need to get you help." She said rubbing my back. I had not stopped sobbing and I didn't think I would stop anytime soon. It's at times like these when the memories are at the forefront of my mind that I shot up. "Not just for the drugs but for this too. You need to talk to a professional." She whispered.

"I know" Was the only words I could get out between the sniffling and cries.

"I love you Piper." She said once again my only reply being that I knew.

"I'm gonna help you." Polly said with determination in her voice. Nobody could argue with a determined Polly. A nurse walks into the room followed by police officers.

"Ms. Chapman we are here to arrest you for the possession and use of narcotics." One officer said his face neutral and his tone professional.

"Possession?" I questioned knowing I didn't have any on me when I od'd

"Yes we found a stash of heroin in you bedroom." The officer said

"Did you have a search warrant?" Polly was the one to speak this time. Our questions seemed to irritate the officers female partner.

"No, your mother gave us access and allowed us to search the house." She said staring at me intently. I wonder if it's because of the dry tears on my face.

"Which means you can't charge me with possession. My mother doesn't have the right to give you access to my home. It's not under her name or even insurance." I say trying to contain the smugness in my voice. But than Polly turns to me and asks

"Would it really be so bad for you to go to prison for a while Piper? You would be away from heroin, you would get help for the drugs and you would get help for what happened to you. Without heroin you would be forced to deal with the real issue which is getting help for what that bitch did to you." Piper said softly most likely hoping I wouldn't get mad at her for suggesting that I would be better off in prison.

"Yeah maybe if I get put in a good prison. Sometimes it's the guards who supply inmates with the drugs. Also in prison you are just a number and they can pat you down whenever they want. I would be a female inmate surrounded by male guards who have the authority to do whatever they want to me." I said shivering at the mere thought of being so vulnerable again.

"What if I could make sure you get placed in a good prison where corrupt stuff like that doesn't happen. I can't argue with the fact that stuff like that does happen in prisons and I can't promise you all female guards but I can take you to one of the best prisons in the country. I can also make sure you get the help you need and I'll even visit. How does that sound?" The female guard says sounding genuine and determined. Determined to do what I don't know.

"Can we speak you you alone ?" Polly asked. I didn't know what she was planning but I knew I could trust Polly with my safety. The officer turned to her partner and they both nodded. The nurse left as well after taking my vitals.

"Piper I know it was four years ago but I think in order for her to understand the type of help you need we should at least give her a vague account of what happened." Polly said once again speaking with a gentle caution.

"I can't do it again Polly. This is the first time since it happened that I told anyone and it's too much for me and-"

"Sssh." She said interrupting me before I began to cry again. "I will tell her ok? And I will do it outside you just rest your eyelids for a second, k" she said sweetly. Her tone reminded me of the times in college when she took care of hungover Piper. She and the officer stepped outside leaving me with my thoughts and rampaging feelings. Now that I was alone it was hard to ignore it, the gnawing feeling in my stomach and chest. The craving was kicking in and I think it is because of all the emotional turmoil that has hit me since I woke up. I needed a fix and I needed it soon but there was no way to get out of the hospital given that I was under arrest. I turned my head and looked around my room for the first time. There were two doors white walls, white curtains, and my clothes were on the chair to the left right by the window. I wasn't dumb enough to think I could make it down the emergency stairs at the side of the building, no, not in my physical state. However as I lay there with the craving growing stronger by the second I began to change my mind. That is until I stood to my feet and was hit with a major headache which caused me to collapse back onto the bed. I'm groaning in pain when the door opens the officer and Polly came back inside the room. Polly ran to my side and tried to help me.

"What did you do Piper?" She asked as she tried to get me back under the sheets.

"You were trying to run away?" The officer asked accusingly

"No, I was trying to go back to my apartment-"

"To hid the drugs?" The officer asked once again her tone was accusing but as she stared at me saw the real answer. "Or use them." She sighed

"I can't deal with emotions without them. Please." I knew it was stupid of me to beg a police officer to let me use heroin but I was becoming that desperate.

Sighing again she came over to the bed and helped Polly get me situated. "Look kid," I inwardly wince at the use of Alex's nickname for me but neither of them notice. "it's too soon for you to be having withdrawal." The officer said putting her hand on my sweating forehead.

"It's not withdrawal it's cravings." I say trying to keep my eyes open.

"That means you've been using this thing like a happy pill to a depressed person. Anytime you wake up from the nightmares you use, anytime you think about what happen to you you use. It's going to be especially hard for you to quit cold turkey but that's the only way to quit heroin. You're going to need support inside and out. I have a sister who was an addict she is at litchfield. You had about 1/8th of an ounce so that is five in a half years. I will call my sister and she will help you. From what I hear Litchfield inmates are very community based. So she has a prison family she cares about a lot. Your friend Polly will be able to visit and I will visit as well. However none of this matters if you don't actually try. I know that right now you can't honestly tell me you want to get clean but I need you to honestly tell me you'll try." I listened to the officer's words but she was right I couldn't tell her honestly that I wanted to get clean. I wasn't even sure I could tell her I would try.

"Piper please. I know there is no way for you to go back to who you were before Super Cunt and I am not asking you to. I am asking you to get help so you can be ok again. You have to heal from what she did and move on from heroin. We should go on runs together again and talk about the world. Remember when we had that huge debate over the 2016 election while we were jogging. People were staring at us like we were crazy." Polly chuckled and so did I. It was the first real smile I had in awhile which just made me realize how much I'd been pushing my friends away.

"Yeah and then some people joined us. It was so funny." I said smiling still. I looked up to the ceiling and closed my eyes searching deep within myself so that I could give the officer an honest answer. Then I look into Polly's eyes once more before turning to the officer and giving my answer.

"Yes, I can promise you that I will try to make it and get clean." The officer looked relieved and sighed.

"Good" she said before walking over to me pulling out her cuffs. "Sorry about this but I have to and it has nothing to do with you trying to leave. You are technically under arrest. Since you have confessed there will be no trial but you will have to sign a confession. You will be moved there as soon as the hospital deems you ready. As soon as you arrive your five and a half year sentence will begin. You will be given weekly or daily shots to help with your withdrawal. The symptoms of withdrawal don't vary but the intensity does and like I said given how you've been using it your withdrawal will be hard. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. My sister's name is Nicky Nichols she will help."

"Thank you officer Nichols." Polly said with genuine gratitude. I just drifted off to sleep think about the next five and a half years and what they may hold for me.


	2. Chapter 2

Knightwalker "Hey every one you can not believe my surprise when I got immediate response for posting chapter one. I expected it to at least take a day but instead I got reviews right away. I'd like to thank everyone for reading and everyone who reviewed. I got some helpful feedback. Also read whats below I didn't get to add it to chapter one sadly"

Sum; Piper didn't leave when Alex's mom died she left after. Farhi being secretly in love with Alex sends someone to kill Piper for leaving Alex but the man Fahri sent after Pier does something much worse. Years later Piper is taken to Litchfield on an entirely separate charge and meets up with Alex. However what is Piper in for? What did Fahri do to her? Did Alex know? Most importantly will how will they react to seeing each other, can there be a relationship or is there to much damage?

*pov may change or may not, _italics_ are flashbacks and dreams, if you can't handle angst than keep reading because I will make you love it plus happy ending (I think Maybe. I'm a sap so probably :p), the only warning I can give you without spoiling the story is drug use.* Good luck (Updated)

 **Chapter 2** : **We meet again, is it downhill or up hill from here**

Officer Nichols was right, me getting clean was not easy. In fact it is far from easy, it's hell. The vomiting doesn't even make the top five worst symptoms. No, first on that list is the cold sweats I get with the nightmares. Sure I'm used to waking up sweating and nauseous but with withdrawal it's a whole lot worse. Usually the heroin keeps the PTSD at bay but without it I'm vulnerable to the nightmares and hallucinations. On numerous occasions the nurses had to wake me up because my screams could be heard floors away. I tried to contain my screams but that only results in me waking up with bloody fingers from using my hand as a silencer. I spent a week in the hospital without drugs and I have sleep insomnia which isn't a concept that is new to me. Next on the list would have to be the scratching. My arms look like a million little knives went crawled over them. Up next are the tremors. Actually they're more like jitters , yeah jitters. I can't be still I'm always moving and shaking. I hate it because of the way people look at me. It's bad enough I am cuffed and guarded by a cop all the time but when people see the jitters their judgmental gazes turn into pity and disgust. Never before have I felt more like a drug addict than when people stare or look away as though they are embarrassed for me. Whenever I am sitting .which isn't often, my heels bounce on the floor making my whole body do this faint shaking movement. It's a good thing I signed the confession the day officer Nichols came by because if they had waited for my withdrawal to fully kick in it would look like a kid wrote and signed the confession. A sudden bump in the road breaks me from my thoughts and I turn to see the prison right up ahead. Well, looks like we're here.

"Welcome to Litchfield sweetie. How far along are you?" The classic beauty driving the van asked. I call her a classic beauty because she has her makeup done in a way that reminds me of Marilyn Monroe and her hair was short black and curled at the end. She sorta looked like a 80's housewife. If she was rich and not in prison my mother would befriend her. My mind suddenly went back to her question. For some reason I already knew she was asking about my withdrawal.

"A week." I said not at all embarrassed after all we were both in prison uniforms. I am also not surprised she noticed like I said I jitter like i'm an addict. I saw a lot of Alex's business so I know that my jitters are like a big red sign over my head with flashing lights that say 'I'm an addict'. I smile to myself when I recall how I used to be. How I used to look at those people with a mixture of pity and sympathy. Every time I saw one I would tell Alex she was the reason for it. All she would say was 'really Piper'. I look back towards Marilyn Monroe's sister ,or maybe cousin would be better, and ask "Do you know Nicky Nichols?"

"Yes she's a good friend of mine. Why, you know her?" The woman whose name I think is Laura says.

"No, I know her sister. Can you take me to her when you have the time?" I ask wincing as we hit another bump

"Yeah I'll tell her to come see you or better yet how about I introduce you at lunch?" Laura says

"Yeah that'd be great." My voice trails off softly. I sound tired, I am tired. With the end of our conversation the van comes to a stop. She leads me into the prison with guards in front and behind. I am nervous because I knew there would be a strip search and more uncomfortable things. I just hoped to god the guard was a woman. My prayers were answered but the guard being a woman didn't make it anymore uncomfortable. She didn't say anything about the old burn marks and the cuts along my body. Than again why would she, this is prison I'm sure many people who come through here have physical scars from the cruelty inflicted on them by others. I am made to squat and told to cough I guess they can never be too careful with a junky.

The woman from before leads me to a room with two bunkbeds and tells me i'm on the top. This is both good and bad. Good, because no one can pee on me in my sleep. Ridiculous I know but i've watched to many movies for it not to be a real fear. Bad, because when I can't fight off the fatigue any longer and fall asleep there is a very real possibility that I will fall off the bed especially since I am known to thrash around during my nightmares. She hands me a bag with a toothbrush, comb, tooth paste, brush, deodorant, lotion, soap, toilet paper, and a few scrunchies.

"Thank you" I say genuinely grateful because I was worried about how to acquire all these things. She smiled brightly at me and for some reason I blush.

"No problem darling. We have to take care of our own. I have to get to work. Once again my name is Lorna Morello It's nice to met ya." With that being said she zoomed off to, work?

"And my name is Piper Chapman." I say even though I know she is long gone.

The room is empty so I assume everyone has a job in here. I hop on the top bunk and stuff my care package into my pillow. Once again to many movies but one can never be too careful. I tried but failed to stop my eyes from closing.

"Look Vause, three people have been caught over there all of them got fifteen years each. It's too risky." Mace said pacing back and forth sweating. It was becoming clear to everyone in the room that he was using again. I just watched the whole situation from a quiet corner in the room like I usually did. With a sigh I got up to make some tea to get everyone calm. As I stood to move Mace stopped pacing and turned to face me.

"WHat about her?" He said pointing to me.

"What about me?" I asked my voice strained and my tone borderline angry. Everyone Alex worked with Knew I wasn't here for the business but to be with Alex.

"She could do it and easily not get caught. No one would suspect sweet blondie to be carrying billions in drug money." He said to Alex completely ignoring me and my words. As though I was some fucking 17th century house wife who doesn't speak for herself.

"Or maybe you could just do YOUR job." I shouted at him.

"You fuckin bit-"

"I dare you to finish that sentence." Alex said her voice tense with the rage that could clearly be seen in her expression.

"But she doesn't do anything around here." He says

"Of course not she isn't a drug mule like you are. You have a very simple job but if you are getting cold feet I can inform Kubra and we all know how he deals with people who get cold feet. Maybe if you weren't using like a druggie you would be able to do your job." Her words were cold and meant to strike fear and cut deep. He got up and walked passed me.

"Oh and one more thing Mace." Alex said standing as well. His only reply was to stop walking. He didn't even bother turning his head to face her. That must have been enough because Alex continued "Next time you walk in my house and insult my Piper Kubra will be the least of your worries."

Mace nodded and said "I'll where I'm supposed to be when I'm supposed to be." With that he walked out of Alex's home. I went into the kitchen while she spoke to the rest of the mules. As I stood there tears slid down my face. She defended me so fiercely and it made my heart flare with love. None of my past lovers or even my mother has defended me like that.

"Hey Piper. Come on don't cry. You know he was just some pissed off junkie." She said hugging me but I push her away and wipe my face.

"No." I say sniffling. "I've never been with anyone who thought I was worth defending. Hell my own mother doesn't think it's necessary to defend me when one of her stuck up rich friends calls me a failure in educated words. Thank you Alex."

She sighs and holds me as I cry a little longer. Afterwards I feel dumb for making such a big deal but when I voice my opinion she says

"Piper Chapman I love you and will never undermine your feelings. So never hide how you feel from me. Because you feelings fucking matter and if your mom and her stuck up friends don't see that then fuck 'em. "

"Hey. Newbie wake up it's time for lunch." Said a woman I have never seen before taps me and wakes me up. I get up but I'm covered in sweat and shivering. I struggle to get down the bunk bed because I had the jitters bad. The craving kicked in bad once I started to fully wake up.

"Hey came you tell me where the bathroom is?" I ask one of the woman I was following. She turn with an annoyed sigh but still led me towards a bathroom. We walked a far distance and I was beginning to worry. She turn finally getting a good look at me and said

"You're a junkie." It wasn't a questioned but I nodded anyway. "Withdrawal?" She asked and once again I nodded. "Alright. Well don't take to long. Missing meal times will be the death of you in prison." I didn't watch her walk away. I went straight into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror. It was the first time in a week I really got a look at myself. Like really took in what I look like from head to toe. My skin is pale which is saying a lot since I'm naturally pale, the skin under my eyes is a purplish black, and I looked almost anorexic. I washed my face and looked up only to see them and her behind me. Sinking to the floor I cower with fear.

"It's not real. It's not real. It's not real." I dare not open my eye despite knowing I couldn't trust my mind. This happens every so often. Sometimes I see both the men reaching for me only to jolt wake and find myself alone. Other times I see nothing but I feel them, ghost hands groping and grabbing at my flesh but the worst of them all is when I see her. She is looking at me with anger and hatred than her face morphs into his smile. The sadistic smile of the spanish man but on Alex's face. Over the years I have used drug and liquor to avoid the nightmares and thoughts of that night which is probably why getting clean will be torture for me. There is nothing to ditter my mind from creating chaos and turmoil. Bring back memory after memory and making my thoughts run wild. Thoughts that question Alex's involvement in what happened to me and thoughts that remind me just how much of an impact my rape had on my life. It was at this point that I noticed something, something very familiar. A needle lying on the floor of the last stall. I stood on shaking legs and made my way over to it. I didn't think there was any left inside and even if there was I wouldn't risk getting HIV. I remember the agony of waiting in the room for the doctor to come back and tell me if those sick bastards gave me an STD but they didn't. It was a small happiness in a world of misery. After all even if they didn't give me an STD they inflicted so much pain onto me. The worst part of getting tested was that all the nurses and doctor made small comments about telling my significant other not to worry little did they know I wasn't there because of a significant other but because I was raped. Sure, they didn't know any better but overall I felt sick to my stomach. I knelt down to inspect the needle and saw that it was broken in two. One was the piece I saw and the other was by the corner of the toilet.

That's when I saw it, a hole in the wall. It was a small hollow hole. I stuck my finger inside and the whole tile came off. As though I had opened a door. I'm sure you all can guess what I found. Yep heroin and some red pills. To put what I was feeling into words is to complicated but if I had to I would say I was happy, scared, shocked, and excited. I didn't think I would find drugs in a prison so easily. I didn't know who they belonged to and I didn't care. As if acting on instinct I immediately started filling the needle only to realize what I was doing when I held the needle to my vien. I'm not even a day in and I'm already breaking my promise.

"Say it. SAY IT" He is screaming in my ear but I don't move to get away from him and I don't speak. He pulls a knife from his pocket only to be stopped by the white man.

"Don't start that yet i'm not done with her. Let me have her one more time than you can go all sadistic on her." He says reaching down and spreading my legs around him. He's about to enter me again when the spanish man holds the knife to her throat and says

"Remember who's the master and who's the surf in this union." The white man nodded at the other man''s words and back off. "You don't know what it's like to go hungry, do you Piper?"

The way he said my name with such venom made me wonder what I did to him do deserve such hatred. When I didn't answer his question he pressed the knife and slide it down my back. A scream bursted through me without my consent as he moved the knife from my back to my stomach in one long cut. I wanted the pain to stop and I wanted to die but he cut and cut but never deep enough for me to bleed out. It was around this time that I began to think I was never going to get out of this. They weren't going to stop and they weren't going to kill me. I kept asking myself what I did to deserve this. I asked myself that question for years even after they told me why they did it I still didn't understand what I did to deserve it. For what felt like hours he made me repeat his every word and if I hesitated he cut me. While I sleep at night those words still haunt me. He was a sick man that became more than obvious with the words he made me say.

"Call me a good boy." He said

"Tell me how worthless you are." He demanded

"Tell me how much you enjoyed our time together." He whispered

I began to sob quietly not wanting anyone to hear me. More than anything I wanted his words to stop echoing in my dream and thoughts. I remember the nights when I would wake up with his words sounding so real I locked myself in the bathroom. There was a time I tried to stop myself from falling into drugs. Tried to get clean. About the third night I got one of the really bad nightmares. The ones that leave me cowering in my bed to afraid to even run into the bathroom. I woke up with the searing pain of a knife moving down my back and the suffocating feeling of something in my throat. I gagged and leaned over my bed emptying the content of my stomach on my bedroom floor. Usually I could make it to the bathroom but the overwhelming feeling of someone holding me down prevented it. I wasn't just coated in sweat I was lying in a pool of it. The blurring tears and my unstable mind created and image of the spanish man at the foot of my bed. A metal knife in one hand and my blood in the other. "Repeat after me." He said and all I could do was move further into my head board. "I'm worthless." He said and for reasons I can't explain or just don't want to I said the same thing.

"I'm worthless." I said

"I don't deserve love." He said

"I don't deserve love" I repeated.

And that is how Larry found me the next day when he came to break up with me. Mumbling over and over how worthless I was in a catatonic state. He managed to shake me out of it but the damage was done. He had seen just how messed up and vulnerable I really was and decided I wasn't worth it. I respect his decision after all dealing with a victim of rape isn't a walk in the park. I'd rather he told me straight up her couldn't deal with my baggage than try to make it work and break my heart. Plus at that point we had already done enough trying.

As I sat there on the dirty cold floor those same words tormented my mind. I wanted them to stop and I only knew one sure way how. I took the needle and I stuck it in my arm. As I emptied the content of the needle into my body I gasped in relief. I laid there for quite some time enjoying the blissful nothingness my mind has become. I don't know when I started laughing but I did. I was ,for the most part, a quiet user. Meaning when I was high it was hard to tell because I was just quiet, relaxed, sleepy, and at peace. Some times I laughed but other than that I was quiet and sleepy. I turned to take another needle but stopped.

"Wouldn't want to Od again." I said to myself. I tried to get up but thought better of it and sat back down. I put the empty syringe in the toilet and put the drugs back in their place. I know that it might not be there next time if the person realizes someone used some of it but I couldn't risk getting more years by getting caught with heroin. It probably took this person forever to make the hiding place for it.

"Plus you're supposed to be trying to get clean. Having a secret stash isn't going to help that effort." I mumbled to myself getting up.

"Hey newbie you in here." Says a hoarse voice from the entrance. I see a blondish haired woman who kinda looks like officer Nichols.

"You wouldn't happen to be Nicky Nichols would you." I ask staring at her.

"Fuck You wouldn't happen to be high would you." She says sarcastically. "Yeah I'm Nicky and yeah I know who you are."

She curses one more time before getting me to fully stand up. She walks into the stall and puts me facing her at the stall entrance. When she sees the syringes she curses even more.

"How much did you take?" She asks as she shakes me.

"One hit I swear. I didn't want to OD again. Doctors said I wouldn't survive a third time." I say looking into her eyes when I finally stop swaying and she finally stops shaking me. She is looking behind me when she says

"What's wrong Vause?" My blood runs cold and slowly I turn around to see the woman who stole my heart and never bothered to return it. I smile not at all surprised.

"Don't freak out Nicky. This happens sometimes when I'm high. I see her and she smiles at me and hugs me like we never split apart. When it really starts to kick in we'll be in my house and I'll be makin-" I stop smiling immediately and turn to Nicky.

"Nicky why are you seeing my ex-girlfriend. Are you high too. WAIT THAT MAKES NO SENSE." I start breathing frantically. I hear Nicky tell me to calm down but I ignore her and turn back to ,real Alex? I swallow the saliva in my mouth and stare at her. "Alex" I didn't have time to think about how pathetic and desperate my voice sounded.

"Piper?" She said with confusion and shock written in her voice and her expression.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Is that really you, Is it really her, what happen to you, How do I feel about this**

It has been two weeks since the incident in the bathroom and I have been avoiding Alex like she is the plague and in a way she is. She plagues my mind and the symptoms are nightmares in which she is the one raping me. There are other symptoms like the constant state of turmoil my emotions are always in and the dreams about our good times. I'm still hopelessly in love with her yet I fear her. I fear that she sent those men after me and I fear that she doesn't love me anymore. Even if she did still have feelings for me she wouldn't want to be with me after she finds out what happen to me. She already looks at me with sadness and confusion. I can tell just by looking into her eye's that she wants to know. She wants to know what happened to me and why i've become so broken. During those times when I am looking into her eyes I know it's impossible for her to have sent those men after me but in those moments when my eyes lid fall from exhaustion I see her and the men gathering around my battered body laughing and taunting. I see their faces in hers and her face in theirs. As though the men who raped me and Alex are one and the same. It makes me sick to my stomach. So sick that I have taken to keeping a metal bucket under my bed. At first I was overjoyed to finally have a bunk because to me it meant my prison sentence was on its way and I was closer to being out. I saw it like this; first I have a bunk than a job and eventually the days would blur and I would be out before I know it. Of course it was wishful thinking because two weeks in and I already feel like I've been here too long. Alex tries to talk to me but I run,bolt or speed walk away from her which is saying something since I am so weak from withdrawal that they won't give me a job. The officers look at me strange even the ones who are known to be mean. It makes me wonder if word of what happened to me had got out. I hoped not the more people who knew the more humiliated and victimized I felt. I have read all the book and I know that it's never the victim's fault and that most victims feel humiliated but knowing it's normal to feel this way and being told it's not my fault doesn't help at all. It doesn't help with the nightmare or the irrational fear of men or the feeling of impurity. Lunch is the most dreadful of times. I have to sit near Nicky and Alex always sits at that table and happens to always be across from me. Not only that but everyone notices my poor eating habits and for some reason they all care about my health, especially Red. Red's ok though because she doesn't try to force me to talk. Since I don't have a job I help her in the kitchen and we work in silence. When I leave to take my withdrawal medication she always warns me about Mendez and how he got a girl name Trisha killed by sneaking in drugs. She also makes me eat when I come back and if I don't come back ,which I tried a few times, she come and finds me.

"It's your first day of counseling right?" She asked

"Yeah." I said my voice less horse then when I got here.

"Her name is Astra Zrell. She is good at what she does and helps a lot of people like you." Red said as she chopped green peppers. I felt a misplaced anger form.

"What do you mean people like me?" I said as I stop peeling the onions. My heart was beating a mile a second and I was shaking. She knew, was all I could think. She knew she knew she knew.

"People who are addicts." She said not looking away from her cutting board. I sigh in relief but tense when I realized I sighed to laud.

"Oh ok." Was all I said trying to act unbothered. then I went back to work. A good few minutes has passed before Red spoke again.

"And people who have been raped."

My blood runs cold and my body freezes. I didn't realize but as soon as the words left her mouth tears flowed down my face. I don't have the strength to ask how she knew or to lie or to demand she not tell anyone because it was all to fresh for me. Just recently I told someone for the first time in years so for someone to say i'm a rape victim so blatantly just shook me to my core. I had always tried not to think about it or talk about it and heroin did a great job at aiding me in that but now there was no heroin. Only me, my memories, and my thoughts. So yes when Red said aloud that I was a rape victim I dropped the onion I was peeling I curled into a ball and I sobbed. I felt a towel on my hands then arms wrap around me. I rubbed my eyes but it was pointless because the tears just kept coming. In my mind all I could think was 'I am a rape victim and I don't know what to do'. I didn't know what to do all those years ago so I turned to drug. I don't know what to do now either but I feel so lost and alone.

"I know honey, I know." Red said and it was only then that I realized I had been mumbling that I was raped.

Neither of us noticed the third party present.

After crying my eyes out I went to counseling. She told me she didn't know much. All she let them tell her was that I was a heroin addict trying to get clean and a victim of sexual assault. She said sexual assault could be anything from rape to being molested. All and all she wanted me to want to tell her about myself and willingly share information with her. I would have her as my counselor for all five and a half years and if I wanted to see someone when I got out she could arrange it but I wouldn't be her. We didn't talk about anything heavy just how are you feeling and adjusting as well as basic questions. It was fun until she asked me if I wanted to tell her what kind of sexual assault it was. Afterwards I said nothing for the last fifteen minutes. When time was up she told me that our other sessions would be like this one. She would ease us into talking about harder topics but it would start off that I got up and went to my bunk. We hadn't discussed me working or how often we would meet but she said the time of our sessions would remain the same but the days would vary in amounts. On my way back I saw Alex in front of the chapel door crying she looked like she was waiting for someone. When she turned and met my eyes I knew that someone was me.

"Please tell me it's not true?" She begged and pleaded. I had no idea what she was talking about but there was really only one thing she could be talking about.

"What are you talking about?" I asked nervously. I would rather it be anything in the world but _that_.

"Piper please come inside and talk to me." She saw the hesitation written all over my face and continued. "Please Pipes. I have to know the truth."

She called me Pipes and I broke and followed her into the chapel. I cursed my weakness but still walk with her all the way behind the podium. We stood in silence for far too long before she spoke.

"Laurna was walking to the kitchen to badger Red for one of the good fresh apples that came in today. She heard you and Red talking." Alex stood trying to find words but failing. It didn't matter though because she gave me more than enough information to piece it all together. However I needed to be sure because a part of me still hoped this wasn't about what I think it was about. So I made her say it

"What did she hear?" I whispered . Alex looked up at me but I wouldn't meet her eye's. I knew her eye's were pleading with me not to make her say it.

"She heard you say," Alex broke into a sob but managed to say the words "She said she heard you say you were raped Pipes."

Alex rushed through the last words. I stood there not knowing what to say and not being able to say anything. My heart began to throb and hammer in my chest and my face became flush red. I was quickly descending into a panic attack. I closed my eye's or so I thought but when I opened them again I was in the medical room with a nurse telling me I blacked out. Alex was sitting next to me making weird sounds. I think she was trying to comfort me but all i could think about was how much heroin could help the situation.


End file.
